Pastoral Pearls: Talking Makes Peace
It is impossible to exist without dialogue. All the wars, all the strife, all the unsolved problems over which we clash are due to a lack of dialogue. When there is a problem, talk: this makes Peace. ~ Pope Francis from 365 Daily Meditations with Pope Francis, May 9
To me these words challenge the idea of holding grudges or making up stories about what somebody must mean when I don’t have all the information, or my own need to be right. Yes, these are very human or knee-jerk reactions for me to have, but that doesn’t make it right.
If I think about it, these ways of reacting don’t even feel very good. That must be because deep down I know that God is calling me to a more loving type of response: making peace, “being the bigger person,” “rising above” to a higher level of compassion.
I am a firm believer that dialogue is a must. It’s important to me that I hear from everyone their take on something before making a decision, so I know I have all the information; that I really listen to what people are trying to communicate to me, asking the questions that will clarify things for me so I know I am really understanding what they are saying; testing my assumptions (when I stop myself long enough to recognize that these are assumptions), to insure I am hearing what they are saying, rather than what I think they are saying or what I want to hear. How can I ever know all this if I do not dialogue or talk with people instead of at them?
It's harder than it sounds, though. I have to take a back seat… to wait for them to finish… to clarify…. to reflect back what I hear … to risk not being right. If I’m being honest, that’s not what I always want to do on the spot. I want to be heard. But so does the other person. That is the respectful thing to do, of course, as Jesus might say if he were here- Make Peace.
I can so easily see where the government or other authorities are doing this so badly and how it impacts me and so many other people, and I complain (sometimes loudly) with my “righteous anger.” I could surely tell them how to fix it, right?! What makes me think that I should not have to follow the same guidelines as I am telling them to do?
So today, I resolve to talk my problems through (even with my husband), and maybe with an estranged family member or friend or coworker with whom I’ve had a disagreement. I will try to find some common ground through dialogue to improve relations with that person. It will take intentionality, but with God, I can do it.
Loving God,
help me hold my tongue, let go of grudges, quit making something someone said mean something bad, make judgements without all the info, believe I always have to be right.
Bless me with greater humility and compassion to seek understanding.
Thank you for being with me in your Holy Spirit as that “still, small voice” of truth in my heart.
May I do your will always.”
~ Amen